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Title: To Be, part one
Author: Artifuss
Email: arti@rogers.com

Summary: Earth is in a lot of trouble, and Daniel feels that Jack needs to come back home.
Rating: R
Spoilers: It's a tag to Season Seven "Lost City 2", so pretty much anything prior should be considered spoiled. Particularly: "Enemy Mine", "Meridian" and "Thor's Hammer"
Category: Action/Angst Pairing: J/D

Archive: Um... well it's not done yet...
Warning: None so far. Next installment(s) will deal with a very temporary character death.
Author’s Note: Huge thanks and kudos to QuinGem for betaing. Any and all mistakes are mine.

To Be
part two

The locker room was empty. The cleaning staff wouldn’t be around for another few hours and Sam should be finishing up on packing her tools and equipment for her jaunt to the Prometheus. He needed to do this precisely and preferably be quick about it too.

Daniel needed something sharp. He thought about getting a scalpel from the infirmary, but he didn’t want to chance anyone missing it and possibly go looking for him; should they have seen him in the vicinity. Plus, he didn’t have an excuse to go to the infirmary in the first place that wouldn’t have kept him there for a prolonged amount of time. Daniel didn’t have much time to orchestrate his plan and he didn’t want to take the chance of talking himself out of it.

He roamed around the small room, trying to think of what would be best to use. He had his razor in his shaving kit, but it was dull and would need replacing fairly soon. But, it could do the job if he couldn’t find anything else.

He stopped in the middle of the room and closed his eyes. Was he really going to go through with this? Would it work? We don’t have any other option ... this has to! He opened his eyes once more and looked straight at Jack’s locker. It was sparse. Mostly cleaned out, save the clothes that Jack wore on that fateful day.

Jack didn’t think he was coming back this time. Daniel gave out an involuntary sob at the revelation. It was just one more fact that was making life look so very desolate. His reason for breaking the rules, the same reason for him returning to a corporeal state, needed him right now in the form that he once was. He needed to ascend once more.

Daniel’s eyes shifted to Teal’c’s space. His locker was also void of clutter, unlike Daniel’s and Sam’s. But that was because Teal’c kept most of his belongings in his room, except for his shaving kit-- Yes! His kit!

Nearly jumping to Teal’c’s locker, he grabbed for the box that held all of the Jaffa’s shaving supplies. Opening it, he found what he was looking for, the Bon’ta. It was a long, extremely sharp knife that Teal’c used to shave his head and face since before he became First Prime. To Daniel’s luck, Teal’c didn’t take it with him. Not that it mattered much right now, but that also meant that he wasn’t planning on staying long at the Alpha site, either. Daniel could only hope that when he did get back and learned of what he had done, that Teal’c would forgive him. It was going to play a part in saving Jack’s life, so in some twisted way, Teal’c may even take pride in his unknown contribution to Daniel’s plan.

Placing the Bon’ta on a bench, Daniel got undressed quickly and threw his discarded items into a hamper. Picking the knife back up, he headed for the shower stalls and turned on four of the six faucets. Standing underneath the last shower stall that he had turned on, Daniel lifted the Bon’ta in his right hand and poised it just above his left wrist. He took a deep breath and thought that this would be the last time that he could back down and try some other way to find Jack. If the President would allow other teams to go through the ‘Gate soon, and if of them found a manuscript or a tablet or … something. There were too many "if"s for Daniel to comprehend.

His plan might not work, but I have no choice. He decided that this was the only way.


“Well that should be everything.” Sam said to no one in particular as she packed up the few remaining items. Siler and a few of his subordinates were in the room as well, making sure that they too had everything packed and ready to go. They were all used to Major Carter’s quirks and lately, unless it was really important, the science and engineering department had made it a point of leaving Sam alone. Ever since she came back from the Antarctic, no one could claim her to be a “happy camper.”

All that Sam needed to do now, was pack up an over-night bag. So after moving all of her tool boxes to the cargo-load area, she headed for SG-1’s locker room to get her personal things together.

When Sam walked into the locker room, she was surprised that the temperature felt so warm and that steam was coming from the showers. It was mid-day and Daniel and herself were the only members of their team to still be at the SGC. Why on Earth would Daniel be taking a shower now? Judging by the steam, he’d been in there for quite a while. And she was sure that she heard more than one shower going. Moving to the stalls without actually heading into the room, she tried to listen for any indication to what was going on. Not hearing any noise except for the pouring water, she decided to call him instead.



Shit! What if this isn’t working? Daniel wasn’t entirely sure that he knew what he was doing. He kept repeating a mantra in the back of his mind, I’m worthy of ascending, I am worthy. But maybe he wasn’t on the threshold of death enough yet for the transition to process. Since he was getting light-headed from the blood-loss, he had moved to a sitting position underneath the closest spray. He had slit both his wrists fairly deeply and his blood was now pooling around the drain. When he would finally ascend, there wouldn’t be much need for a clean up; that is, as long as his plan worked. He needed this to work. Not only so that he would still be alive in some way, but so that he could rescue Jack. Earth will need its hero again soon, and Daniel was going to make sure that he would be ready and able for action. To top it all off, he just missed Jack.

He needed Jack.


Daniel whipped his head up to the direction of the call. Damn it! He couldn't think of what to do, or what to say. But if he didn’t say something quick, she may just come in. Gathering the remaining strength he had, he called back out to her.

“Yeah, Sam?”


Sam was taken aback. Daniel was in there alright, but he didn’t sound … right. Something was wrong, she had no idea why it was that she thought this, but nevertheless she knew.

“What’s going on, Daniel?”

“I ...”

“Daniel? Are you OK?” Sam had to tell herself to keep calm. There wasn’t any reason to panic … was there? He was just in the shower room.

“I needed to get clean, Sam. I’ll be out … soon.”

He sounded off and Sam was more than worried now.

“Haven't you ever had a feeling that made absolutely no logical sense and it turned out to be right?”

Daniel had once asked her that years ago, and Sam never forgot. She sometimes wouldn’t pay any attention to her feelings, second guessing herself in the process. Emotions and feelings traveled a thin line in the military world, and you had to know when they would be useful and when they would hinder. This was especially true if the soldier also happened to be female, mainly due to the bigotry that could be found amongst the ranks. But something was telling her not to ignore her feelings this time.

She’d seen Daniel naked before, so walking in wouldn’t be a problem of modesty. After the first few off-world missions that required them to camp out, they became less reserved around each other. Not that they purposely walked around naked, but convenience had won over humility a long time ago and there was nothing that any member from the team had yet to see. And it was apparent that Daniel needed her now.

Oh my, God! Sam gasped at the sight before her. Daniel was on the floor and blood was everywhere. She couldn’t help but wonder, why didn’t he ask for help?

“Just … just stay there Daniel. I’m going to go get a medic.” Sam continued to act calm, but she was far from feeling it.

“No! Sam, don’t call anyone!” Daniel sounded desperate to Sam’s ears. She still couldn’t understand why he didn’t want any help.

“I won’t be here when you come back Sam.” That stopped her from moving any farther. She turned around and took back the few steps she had just made to hit the medic alarm pad on the wall. But she had to know. She needed to be sure of what Daniel was saying. Grabbing a towel, she walked into the stalls, intending on at least stopping the blood flow. But, despite Daniel's current state, he moved away quickly. He didn't want her help.

“Fine." Sam sighed, but didn't try to advance again. "What do you mean, you won’t be here? Where would you go? You barely have the energy to crawl, let alone walk!”

For some reason, that made Daniel chuckle a bit, though he tried to hide it by looking down. When he lifted his head back up, he had a small smile on his face and tears in his eyes that wouldn’t shed.

“I’m going to get Jack.”

Sam couldn’t believe that she was about to argue with a man that was about to die. Daniel, her little brother, was committing suicide and she was set to challenge him; to challenge his thinking. They were always pushing each other. Somehow, challenging him right now felt right.

“How are you going to do that when you’re de-” Oh, no. He wasn’t going to …“you’re trying to ascend, aren’t you?” Sam didn’t quite get the awe out of her voice, and she didn’t feel like staying calm anymore.

“You son-of-a-bitch! What is it? Life got too hard, so you’re going to quit? You’ve never been one to quit, Daniel! Why now? You seemed genuinely happy for a change. Sure the Colonel is gone at the moment, but we’re going to get him back! What am I going to tell him when he finds out that you left us again? That you left him again? We just got you back!” She yelled the last part out as tears began to traitorously run down her face. She really didn’t care if he saw her cry right now though. It seemed like Daniel was always leaving them; he was always leaving her behind. She was getting sick of it. She’d love him for an eternity, but she also hated him right this minute. She couldn’t stand still any longer and the towel fell from her hand onto the shower room floor. Sam wasn’t going to win this fight, she knew. Not caring about getting wet or Daniel’s blood all over her clothing, she ran to him and held on. The last time, she couldn’t touch him, she’d be damned if she didn’t make any sort of physical contact this time.

Daniel couldn’t interrupt or stop her, he didn’t have the strength. He could feel it working though. He had a familiar tingling sensation that he remembered from the last time he ascended. He wasn’t going to die after all.

“I’ll be back, Sam. I’m not leaving for good. I’m going to get Jack and then both of us will come home. I promise.” He could only whisper his promise to her, he was changing now and that was taking all of his strength to do. He felt Sam place a kiss on the top of his head while he gasped his final breath. Daniel looked into Sam’s eyes, and mouthed, “We will be back.”

Sam understood and nodded. She wiped her tears away as Daniel transformed into a glowing ascended being. She watched his ascent up and through the shower ceiling.

And then she was alone.


(click here for next part)




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