“Well kids, it is now a lovely early
morning on P4X-778! Home of the ever-present trees, mineral samples,
lots and lots of ruins to play with and ... huh, Easter eggs?”
Hell, they were everywhere! Whereever there was shelter
there was at least one… ball. Jack took off his sunglasses
and rubbed his eyes. Under the closest shrub, just in front of him
were a bunch of pastel-coloured spheres. He bent down to take a
closer look and guessed that the smallest one was roughly thirty
centimeters in diameter, with the largest one he saw to be about
forty-five. There was a pink, blue and purple one under this plant,
but looking around he could see that they also came in yellow, green
He could hear Daniel asking Carter, “Sam? Were they picked
up by the MALP? What are the chances of these being the source of
the mineral deposits?”
Seeing as these little babies were everywhere, Jack was more than
welcoming that idea. It’d be easier to harvest rather than
mine, and was about to say so when he turned around.
Both were about ten meters away, each holding a sphere in their
hand. They gave one another a quick look of irritation and then
zeroed in on his direction. Both were looking at him with identical
expressions of annoyance.
“What’s the problem, Jack?”
“You know, Daniel… We keep coming to the same conversation
about not touching anything, least of all the unusual kind,
until every single blade of grass has been cleared. Yet here you
and Carter are holding these… things.” His
hand did a little dance while pointing towards the ball that was
in Daniel’s grasp. He had no idea what to call them, except
for balls… or spheres. “Could you tell us what they
“Um, they’re balls, Sir.”
That’s it. He had officially broke his Second. The once duty
bound officer was making sarcastic remarks to him. He was
so proud… not that he was going to let her in on that.
“Balls, Major? What scientific theory did you have to break
in order to come to this conclusion?”
And it was evident that she was ready and willing with a reply,
“Aht! Don’t want to hear it, Carter. But please, for
the sake of my sanity…”
“Sanity, Jack?” Daniel couldn’t help it. How
could he not ask the obvious, especially when it was served to him
on a silver platter.
Giving Daniel what he had hoped was the evil eye, he continued
to say, “For the sake of my sanity and the few strands of
my hair that have fought the good fight from turning into a nice
shade of grey, please just put those… spheres down,
till you know what they really are. OK?”
“For cryin' out loud, Jack!”
Did… did he just say…? “Daniel?”
“Daniel?” Was he pissed off? Or had something gone
horribly wrong already? If something did, would that be a new record?
He checked his watch to see that fourteen minutes had gone by since
they had arrived through the ‘gate. Nope. Their first mission
to Cimmeria still held the title, as everything went to hell in
a hand-basket in all of eight minutes. He walked up to where Daniel
was to see what was bothering the archeologist.
Daniel took in a deep breath and released it slowly while keeping
steady eye contact with the leader of SG-1, “Jack?”
he said in a mockingly calm manner, “We’re wearing gloves.”
“Gloves, Jack!” And he proved his point by holding
up one latex encased hand and began to wave… with only one
“Jack, I’ve been meaning to ask this for a long time
now. How old do you really think Sam and I are? Cause I was wondering,
if I finished off all my veggies at lunch this time, could Sammy
and I go out to play in the backyard afterwards? Please? We’ll
be good, I promise.”
“Smartass.” Jack decided it was a good time to do a
tactical retreat, “Teal’c? I think it’s a good
time to walk the perimeter. Don’t want the Wondertwins to
be caught unawares by… any dangerous Easter Bunnies. Hell,
there has to be more than one to lay this much! You stay here; I’ll
go out for the first check.” Teal’c was loosing his
touch lately in concealing any emotions, and judging by the smirk
he was sporting at the moment, Jack could easily read “Coward”
all over his face.
Jack just didn’t get any respect these days.
He was five minutes into the assessment of the area, when Daniel
radioed in, “Um, Jack?”
He sounded timid. He hardly ever heard Daniel sound that way…
except for a few rare cases when they were in trouble. And those
times they were in BIG trouble. Jack stopped walking and radioed
back, “Daniel? Is everything alright?”
“Uh, yeah Jack. There was just something I wanted to ask…”
He could still see his team-mates through the trees and bushes,
and everything looked fine. Daniel was by the obelisk just a little
north of the 'Gate, Carter was taking soil samples from various
spots around the immediate area and Teal’c was his usual stoic
self… there was nothing to indicate that they were in some
kind of trouble, so why was...
“What is it, Daniel?”
“I was just wondering if Sammy and I could have dessert after
dinner tonight? You think Teal’c could go ‘round to
the store and pick us up some ice cream? Chocolate Chip Mint would
be really good, I think. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind going,
would ya, Teal’c?”
“DanielJackson.” Teal’c said in a voice that
could only be described as severe.
Ha! His plan didn’t work. Instead of following Daniel’s
lead, the big guy was gonna give him shit. You took the joke a little
too far this time, my friend. He could see the Jaffa walking up
to Daniel, no doubt letting the parental guidance inside of him
out for a good exercise of verbal discipline.
His radio turned back to life moments later, this time with Teal’c
on the other end. “O’Neill.”
“Yeah, Teal’c? What’s up?”
“I would ask that you cease your patronizing of DanielJackson
and MajorCarter, it is detrimental to their research.”
“Is that understood, O’Neill?”
What the…? The big guy must really be missing his
son right now.
“Sure, Teal’c. Whatever you say,” but he
“It’s supposed to be meat loaf, Sam.” The unimpressed,
recently-descended archeologist deduced by reading the MRE wrapper.
Sam took another bite of her dinner and had let the taste savor
in her mouth for a short while, only to conclude with, “Mmmm,
Jack couldn’t help but snort, receiving big grins from his
two scientists and the trademarked raise of one eyebrow response
from Teal’c. He looked around their campsite. This was turning
out to be a quiet mission, though he wasn’t stupid enough
to admit it out loud. The SGC wasn’t keeping tabs on the death
toll for each member of SG-1 for nothing. There was a philosophical
question roaming around the base, “If SG-1 was a bunch of
felines, what feline would each of them be?” And then the
follow up question, “How many of their nine lives have yet
to be used?” So there was a good reason why Jack was always
on alert, even while he slept.
And while there didn’t seem to be a threat lurking in the
shadows, those… spheres, balls, whatever, were still noticeably
all over the place.
“So, Carter? Have you found out what these things are yet?”
He held one up for everyone to see. Carter must have swallowed wrong
if her sudden choking was any indication.
“You’d probably want to put that down.”
Ah, shit. He was sure that Daniel wasn’t going to
let this one down. That twinkle in his eye was telling Jack all
he needed to know about how many times lay in wait for the future
discussions of pastel balls.
“R-right. So,” trying to revert the topic back to the
balls instead of his faux pas, “did you do any readings. Figure
out what they are? Where they come from? Yadda.”
Since Carter seemed to still be trying to find relief in the water
bottle that Teal’c had handed to her, Daniel piped up instead.
“Actually, Teal’c is the one who had figured out what
they are while you were doing the perimeter check this morning.”
“Oh? And what are they, Master Teal’c?” He was
still ticked by being told off this morning by the hundred-plus
year old, doesn’t look a day over forty, Jaffa.
“It is excrement from a local creature, which I had later
concluded to be herbivorous in nature.”
“It’s what?” He had to have heard wrong. No way
that this was…
“It’s shit, Jack.” Daniel said, while being kind
enough to give him a hand-wipe.
“Yeah. But it’s also what’s been setting off
the naquadah indicators on the MALP scanners, too.”
“Oh, you’re full of--- uh, you're kidding me. Right?”
Getting her act together, Carter finally contributed to the conversation,
“No sir. These spheres have trace amounts of naquadah. There’s
hopefully a big deposit somewhere close by for the local flora and
fauna to be ingesting some of it…”
“Wouldn’t the MALP have picked it up?”
“Not if it was covered somehow, Colonel. We’ve found
numerous amounts of these spheres inside some of the ruins. Daniel
had remembered that there wasn’t any indication on the MALP
of any naquadah inside the structures, yet a lot of them were full
of it. We took samples of the building material, but it's not something
that we’ve seen before. Though, it does have blocking capabilities
to hide whatever may be contained within. Which in this case was…
Gr-reat! “Well, I for one can’t wait to write
up this report for Hammond.” That had actually made Daniel
snicker. As far as quiet missions went, this one was going to be
right up there.
“What a way to be reminded of Easter.” It had been
celebrated over the previous weekend. He wondered what Hammond would
say, if he was to ever find out that Jack had posted a notice at
the front of their ‘gate, for any Goa’uld invasionists
that might happen by. He played with the imaging software on Daniel’s
computer that afternoon to create a sign which read, ‘Sorry
we’re closed for Easter, please leave a message and we’ll
be sure to kick your sorry ass on Monday.’ After taking a
look at Jack’s clever work, he heard Daniel mumble something
about regretting having taught him how to use Photoshop. He wasn’t
put off by the remark though, cause Siler liked it and that man
had good taste.
Jack had wound up staying at the SGC on Easter Sunday last weekend
so Hammond could have dinner with his granddaughters. Carter had
gone to visit her brother and his family, while Teal’c went
to the Alpha site to visit Rya’c and Bra’tac. And Daniel
had stayed with him that evening for a ‘nice’ meal in
the commissary. As nice as commissary food was going to get, that
There was something that he had wondered about for years though
and the colourful balls of… Well, they had reminded him about
what had bothered him for some time now, “Daniel? I just bet
you know the answer to this.”
“To what, Jack?”
“You know, the Easter Bunny. What the heck do bunnies have
to do with the Christian Resurrection of Christ?” It wasn’t
that he was all out religious or anything. Especially after his
son had died and his career at the SGC began. But, like all the
other kids on the block, Charlie had started every Easter Sunday
morning with an egg hunt. He truly loved the search. Some years,
he wanted his father to act out the role of a military commander,
and give him a mission to find that one special egg hidden within
the backyard. And if he found it, which he always did, he’d
be rewarded with a bag of hyper-inducing jelly beans.
“Actually Jack, the Easter Bunny and Easter eggs are kind
of a mangled twist of a Pagan celebration. You see, there was this
Anglo-Saxon Goddess name Eostre, but also known as Ostare, Ostara,
“Right. Anyhow, to convert Pagans to the Christian faith,
the head of the church would try to incorporate Pagan celebrations
into their own. The Resurrection fell around the same time as the
Pagan’s spring festival, to celebrate rebirth. In fact, many
cultures had a similar Goddess of fertility that would celebrate
soon after the Spring Equinox; there was Kali from India, Aphrodite
“Hathor?” Damn! Why did Sam have to bring
Looking a little green, Daniel nodded his head, “Yeah, Hathor
too.” Was nothing sacred? It seemed everywhere that Jack turned,
the Goa’uld had stuck their fingers in where they didn’t
belong yet again. The younger man sitting beside him would never
get over what she had done to him, not that Jack could blame him.
Every time he thought of the bitch himself, he had to stop his involuntary
reaction of checking his stomach to make sure that there wasn’t
a little Junior swimming inside.
He needed to take Daniel’s mind off of that dead red-haired
whore, “And these women have to do with bunnies in what way?”
Only thing that came to mind were of the Playboy variety.
“For Eostre specifically, the animal that represented her
being was the hare.”
“Because they…” he twirled his finger in the
air as if that would explain everything.
“Yeah.” The Easter Bunny was supposed to be there for
the children’s amusement damn it!
Jack looked up to see that the sun had nearly finished its decent.
“Ok kids, time for bed. Carter? You can take first, Daniel
you’ll take the second. I’ll take third, and that leaves
Teal’c with the final watch. Everyone good?”
Three heads nodded in agreement.
“Good. See ya in the morning then.” Jack got up and
made his way for the tent that he shared with Daniel. He would consider
himself lucky tonight if they both had a good rest void of dreams
consisting of pastel balls with red hair.